Dispelling the IPhone 5 Myths; There’s an App for That

The Justin Beiber Voodoo Doll App. I know it’s pushing the “there’s an App for that” philosophy to the next level, but why not bow to the wishes of the narrow majority and create an interactive interface with Justin Beiber – the little snipe already looks like one of those child robots from AI, that’s had it’s anti-bellend circuitry interfered with. Just hook him up to a series of motor-skill commanding electrodes and I’ll forgive you for all those times you were unfaithful.

Remember the success of the Tamagotchi? Well this would be like a justifiably torturous version of that, and it’s all for a good cause too because Justin Beiber really is an insufferable aborted foetus of a man. I’m not suggesting we should ply him with fatal levels of current, just yet at least, but enough to make him, say, violently convulse off stage every once in a while, and soil himself (if he indeed his Disney tm anus has the capacity too) in front of his slathering lobotomized fans. If you’re willing to do that for me, I’ll sign the papers, and renew the contract…